an outside view

Do you remember the ‘good ‘ol days’ when has been athletes wanted to be coaches or broadcasters?

Oh sure, some went on to be successful business-people and a growing number like former Vol Heath Shuler have followed paths into politics. Still, the goal of a large percentage of athletes is to someday coach on the sidelines or get behind the mic or in front of the camera.

That was then. This is now.

That was before “Dancing with the Stars.” Why worry about X’s and O’s when you can do the Tango? They miss the cheers of the fans so they happily turn to the Foxtrot.

And of course, there’s the Quickstep, the Samba, the Waltz, and my personal favorite – the Cha Cha. Former athletes can’t wait to strut their stuff in front of millions on the hit television show.

Again, this season, the winner was chosen from two high profile athletes. There was Olympic figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi and National Football League star Jason Taylor. They were the two left standing when such notable stars as Priscilla Presley and Steve Guttenburg didn’t measure up and got the boot by America.

Coming into the competition, Yamaguchi had a decided advantage since dancing is such a part of figure skating. However, Taylor had shown a grace and eloquence not normally associated with a guy who makes his living trying to hurt NFL quarterbacks.

The two combatants stood there under the bright lights waiting for the announcement. The moment was tense. The drama was akin to a heavyweight boxing match with the referee poised to raise the hand of the boxing champion. Those hoping for an upset were disappointed.

The skater won as expected. Supporters of the football player cried foul.

In this writer’s eyes, who won didn’t really matter. What mattered is that for the fourth season in a row, an athlete walked away with the crown. Former Dallas Cowboys running back Emmitt Smith started the streak. Hey, the guy has rhythm. What can I say? Olympic speed skater Apollo Anton Ohno was the last one left standing the next season. Last year, it was Indy car racer Helio Castroneves sitting atop the dancing world.

There have been other athletes compete on the popular NBC show. Former NBA star Clyde “The Glide” Drexler looked anything but smooth as he moved his 6’7” body across the dance floor two seasons ago. Muhammad Ali’s daughter, Laila Ali, has her daddy’s personality and confidence, but the female boxer didn’t exactly float like a butterfly. A season earlier, former boxing champion, Evander Holyfield, and future football Hall of Farmer, Jerry Rice, entertained the TV audience with some nifty moves although neither won.

Now, I know what you must be asking yourself right about now. Does this guy really watch “Dancing with the Stars?” Does he not have cable or a satellite dish so he can watch ESPN? Does he really know the difference between the Tango and Cha Cha? Is he really a sports guy or a Fred Estaire wannabe?  Fred who? 

Uh..well…I’ve seen it once or twice. And people have told me about it. No way would I watch a sissy dance show. Okay, I did watch American Bandstand when I was younger but the chicks were hot.  Let’s get off of me and back on these so-called athletes turned dancers. Why do they do it? Why subject themselves to humiliation and on national TV no less?

There has never been a more graceful wide receiver in the NFL than Jerry Rice. However, he was anything but graceful doing the Waltz. My image of him catching touchdown passes from Joe Montana is ruined forever.

Clyde “The Glide” Drexler was smooth with a capital “S” in sneakers but I will not remember the majestic dunks. Who could after seeing his version of the Tango? For Holyfield, Mike Tyson taking a bite out of his ear couldn’t have been as painful as trying to do the Samba. The only thing more painful than him doing the Samba was watching him do the Samba.

So, why do it? Is it the hunger to be loved by the fans again? Are they addicted to the limelight and can’t live their lives out of the public eye? Are they simply competitors who have found another arena in which to challenge others?  Worse yet, are they broke and doing it for the money? In the future, will we see a retired Peyton Manning or Alex Rodriquez doing the soft toe? 

Who knows and who cares? Not me.  Everyone knows a real sports guy wouldn’t watch a dance show.