an outside view

It’s a longstanding tradition in American sports. Winning a national championship earns you an all-expense paid trip to the White House to meet the President.

Politics are set aside and the deserving athletes are allowed to bask in the glory of their accomplishment.

There are hardy handshakes, the obligatory photographs, and boring speeches. The President gets a team jersey and pretends to be truly honored. It’s a thrill of a lifetime for the athletes and the Pres gets some positive pub for a change.

This week, the Vanderbilt University Lady Commodore national champion bowling team paid a visit to our nation’s capitol for photo ops in the Rose Garden with George and Laura.

STOP THE PRESSES! Did I say VADNDERBILT and BOWLING in the same sentence?

Am I the only one or does that not sound a little strange? If Vandy had won a national title in polo or fencing, I would have thought nothing about it. Even if it had been tennis or golf, I wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow. If Vanderbilt had won the national championship in chess or its debate team had taken home the top prize in the nation, I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised.

But I said BOWLING. I’m sorry but I just can’t wrap my mind around that.

Now, you bowlers out there don’t go getting defensive. I love the game. It’s just that when I go to the bowling alley, I don’t see many Vanderbilt types there if you know what I mean.

Truck drivers and hairdressers yes. Doctors and lawyers no.

That’s no slam on my trucker buddies or the gal that does such a fabulous job cutting my hair. It’s just that Vanderbilt and bowling go together like an expensive French wine and sardines or caviar and beer.  It’s like Pavarotti singing “Rocky Top: or the Dukes of Hazard driving a Mercedes. Can you imagine a Mercedes with a horn that plays “Dixie”?  You get the picture. There are some things that just don’t go together.

And that is even true in the sports world. We expect things to be a certain way.

We expect the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox to have the best baseball teams money can buy. We expect the Texas Rangers to be sorry. We expect the Patriots to lose several All-Pro players every year but have Bill Belichick still make Super Bowl contenders out of them. We expect T.O. to do something stupid and for Tiger to win a couple of majors every year. We expect Kentucky and North Carolina to be college basketball powerhouses and we expect Florida to beat Tennessee every September on the gridiron.

There simply is a certain order with which no one should tamper.

We don’t expect Vanderbilt to win a national championship in ANYTHING! And if they do by some miracle, we certainly don’t expect it to be in a workingman’s sport like bowling.

I’m not picking on my rich friends from Nashville’s West End. There are many other good examples of what I’m talking about.

We don’t expect to hear World Series champs and Chicago Cubs used in the same sentence.

You won’t hear Hall of Famer and Pete Rose mentioned together anytime soon.

Have you ever heard Auburn Tigers football and Academic Honor Roll together?

You won’t hear Bruce Pearl and boring linked in a sentence and you probably won’t hear Pat Summit and warm and cuddly in the same sentence.

Don’t expect to see Barry Bonds named Mr. Congeniality and don’t expect to see any feature stories about two best friends named Kobe and Shaq.

You see. There are some things that just don’t go together and Vanderbilt and bowling are two of them.

In Nashville, they are calling it historic. I think it is just plain weird. If Vanderbilt can win a national championship in bowling, what on earth could be next? Phil Fulmer being named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive?