an outside view: playing 20 questions

(Terry has taken some time off this month so we are re-running some of his favorite timeless columns of the past)

There are some things in this old world I just don’t understand and I probably never will.

It’s not that I’m trying to figure out the meaning of life or anything like that. I’ll leave that to the philosophers and theologians.

Still, there are some burning questions that I would like to have answered. Do you remember the game 20 Questions? Let’s play. Here are 20 questions that keep running through my head.

1. Why do they call it football if it is illegal for a player to touch the ball with his foot? Using that logic, why don’t we call soccer handball?

2. Why do golfers expect total silence when they are attempting to ht a ball sitting perfectly still while a baseball player is expected to hit a ball going 90 miles per hour with fans screaming and hollering?

3. Why are the games of the wealthier members of our society called “gentlemen’s sports”? Are there no bowlers who are gentlemen?

4. What does a tennis bracelet have to do with tennis?

5. Why do teams have fight songs if it is illegal for the players to fight?

6. When did poker become a sport?

7. If poker is a sport, are poker players athletes?

8. Is a racehorse an athlete?

9. If a strike in bowling is a good thing, why do we call three in a row a turkey?

10. If you can’t coach speed, why do we have track coaches?

11. Why do we call golf tournaments “Opens” when the tournaments and the clubs where they are played are anything but open?

12. Why do female tennis players feel the need to grunt or squeal every time they hit the ball? Shouldn’t such sounds be reserved for private?

13. Why do we call it softball when the ball is hard as a rock?

14. Why is a basketball court 90 feet long rather than 30 yards?

15. Why do NFL teams put a player on the Injured Reserve List? Is he injured or a reserve?

16. Which game first, football bowls or cereal bowls? Stanley Cups or coffee cups? Home plates or kitchen plates? Fastball pitchers or tea pitchers. Catcher’s mitts or oven mitts?

17. Why are professional athletes allowed to keep their jobs when they commit crimes that would get you or me fired?

18. Why is it called the World Series when only U.S. teams play in it?

19. Why do baseball coaches wear full uniforms?

20. We see all of the Latino baseball players in the Majors. Where are the Latino umpires?

Like I said, these aren’t all that complicated. I’m just looking for a few answers to a few simple questions.