An Outside View

Selling Neyland Stadium By Terry Smith news@theheraldnewspapers.com We’ve grown accustomed to it in the NFL. Team owners grab the money from big corporations and let them put their names on their stadiums. Now, those same big bucks are beginning to turn the heads of college athletic directors. At a time when it is getting harder and harder to balance athletic budgets, universities are selling out. The University of Maryland struck a deal and the Terps now play at Chevy Chase Field. The Louisville Cardinals play at Papa Johns Stadium. Look for the trend to continue. Is it possible that the Vols will soon be playing in a stadium that isn’t named Neyland? Hold on to your hats. The Herald has learned that the University of Tennessee is entertaining offers. We can’t reveal our sources but there are 10 proposals being considered by athletic director Mike Hamilton. Consider these possibilities. 1. CCA Stadium – Corrections Corporation of America seems to have the inside track on attaching its name to Neyland Stadium. With all the experience UT players have with correctional facilities, this seems like a match made in Heaven. CCA’s insistence that the players wear stripes instead of the officials may be a major stumbling block. 2. Viagra Stadium – They have their name on a racecar so why not a football stadium? Word is Viagra was first interested because of the Vols’ impotence on offense last season. What a marketing tool it would be if UT’s impotency was cured once Viagra hung its name on the stadium. However, talks have reportedly cooled since David Cutcliff has arrived on the scene with his high octane offense. The Herald has learned Viagra is now talking to South Carolina where Steve Spurrier hopes the little pill will help the Gamecocks’ impotent offense. 3. Pilot Oil Stadium –Well known UT alum Jim Haslem would love to have his company’s logo atop Neyland Stadium rather than the V-O-L-S sign. He apparently wants to be known for more than the guy who names UT coaches. He now wants to name stadiums. It seems he also wants to name the next U.S. Senator from Tennessee. He hopes to use the Jumbo Tron to run giant ads for Bob Corker. 4. Jack Daniels Stadium – Naming a college football stadium after a whiskey could be risky. However, let’s face it. On any given Saturday in the fall, there is more Jack Daniels in Neyland Stadium than any place outside of Lynchburg. Let’s bring it out of the closet and embrace whiskey and football as two great Tennessee traditions. 5. Weight Watchers Stadium – This popular weight reduction company was attracted to UT by David Cutcliff’s emphasis on having his offensive linemen slim down. Coach Phil Fulmer even got into the act by shedding 40 pounds. Fulmer as a spokesman for Weight Watchers is intriguing. The company also took note of all of the wide orange derrieres trying to squeeze into those skinny bleacher seats. Look at all of those potential customers. The problem is hot dogs and popcorn will be replaced by fresh broccoli and carrot sticks. 6. Planned Parenthood Stadium – This one may be a bit of a surprise. However, the organization believes it can use Neyland as a great marketing tool. What better way to discourage prospective parents from having children than to show screaming kids half dressed with checker boards painted on their chests and their hair dyed orange and white? 7. Dollywood Stadium – Dolly Parton, the country music icon, has made an offer. The deal would include Dolly being given the entire Double D section. Cheerleaders would dress like Daisy Duke and the Pride of the Southland Band would be replaced by a bluegrass band. Dolly reportedly will add a theme park touch with log flumes instead of exit ramps and a rollercoaster that runs from the north to the south end zones. 8. Skoal Stadium – The chewing tobacco company wants to capitalize on the image conjured up by the song “Rocky Top”. If fans get their corn from a jar, they might like a chew too. One marketing strategy will be to sell spittoons shaped like the stadium. 9. Clayton Homes Stadium – Jim Clayton wants to line the sidelines with his mobile homes and rent them out to fans who can’t afford the skyboxes. Then, when ESPN says Tennessee fans are in a trailer park frenzy, they will be right. 10. Timex Stadium – The famous watch maker is a late entry into the naming sweepstakes. Apparently after the Florida game they liked the way the Vols took a lickin’ but kept on tickin’. Then again, maybe we should stick with Neyland Stadium.