A Mother’s Madness: The perfect gifts

Remote control cars, gift certificates, video games, clothes, stuffed animals and dvd’s. These are some of the gifts I purchased to be given as Christmas presents to my children. Which one is the best? Which one is the most expensive? Which one will be used the most? I doubt any of them will last, or have as much of an impact on their lives as what I plan on giving them--structure and boundaries. I have been told that boundaries for children are like guardrails on a busy freeway. They are there to protect us from running off the road into oncoming traffic or down a steep embankment. They are marked quite well with reflective tape and clearly visible day or night. When installed correctly, they will stop a vehicle from leaving the right of way, although upon impact, it will hurt and possibly cause damage, however, not nearly as harmful as straying from the main road. Boundaries are much similar, and should be used in the same manner. My children each have their individual set of “guardrails”, and some bump them more often than others. Although it is Christmas, and many parents tend to move the boundaries out a bit, it is important to remember that the child is depending on them for security. Despite their complaints, they need the safe feeling of steadfastness that these borders give them. For instance, bedtime. During the holidays, my children pretty much keep the same bedtime as they do during the school year. On a special occasion if we are out, or have company, they may be entitled to stay up late, but as a norm, they do not stray from their bedtime boundaries. They always get a good night’s sleep, wake up refreshed in the morning, and they have a lot less crankiness. Christmas is adorned with sweets and treats. Candy, cookies and scrumptious desserts are throughout the house, but the normal boundary of eating sweets does not change because of the calendar. They still must ask before indulging in the candy bowl or cookie jar. Then, the quantity is normally the same. What good will it do to let the child eat his fill of chocolate? It’s comparable to taking away a section of the guardrail over a bridge. There will be a sense of insecurity. Manners, discipline, chores, and even television time are all rules that don’t and shouldn’t bend to any great deal during Christmas break. Children work hard on memorizing how much T.V. they are allowed to watch, which programs are appropriate and when to complete their chores. Why spoil them for the holidays when in the long run, it will be harder on the parents, as well as the child, to return to the limitations that were previously set. I understand that margins need to be flexible occasionally. Grandparents and relatives need to be able to bend them in order to spoil the child. I don’t see a problem with an occasion curve in the guardrail. As long as the child understands that it is a one-time event, or that they are made aware of the fact that the parent realizes the rules are being bent and normalcy will resume eventually. A child needs to be treated to exceptions once in awhile, but I am certain that overall, consistency is the key to a well-disciplined and secure child. Well after the wrapping paper is discarded, the toys are gathering dust in a closet, the clothes are worn out, the children will still have a set of values that have been instilled in them. They will know right from wrong and will want to do right, not because of the consequence of doing wrong, but because they know what is correct. They will know how to make decisions for themselves, and also know how to survive as adolescents. It is our job as parents to bring the children up to be successful and secure. It is the best gift that we can give them.