An Outside View Does Hockey Have It Right?

“I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.” That’s an old one-liner by Rodney Dangerfield or one of those other old-timers. It never was really all that funny and I couldn’t figure out who should be insulted – hockey fans or boxing fans? But still it seemed like a good way to start this week’s column about violence in professional sports. The baseball season hasn’t even reached the halfway point and how many bench-clearing brawls have we had? The story is always the same. Some prima donna who thinks he owns the inside part of the plate takes it personally when a pitcher has the nerve to throw a fastball a couple of inches inside. He slams the bat to the ground and charges the mound. The two look at each other as if they don’t know the next part of the script. They finally wrestle each other to the ground and hold on for dear life until their teammates come to the rescue. It looks more like a rugby scrum than a fight. And the fans who were cheering when the batter charged the mound then laugh at the hilarity on the field before starting to boo out of boredom. You’ll hear a fan scream, ‘If you’re going to fight then get it on. If you want a hug, go home to Mommy.” The batter is usually given the heave-ho by the umpire and he is replaced by another ego and the game goes on. Indignant league officials, wanting to make a public stand against violence in their beloved sport, are quick to act. They are determined to stamp out all fighting in baseball except of course the ongoing one between the players’ union and the owners. It usually means a fine of $10,000 or so and a day or two off from work. What is a $10,000 fine to a player who makes millions and how many of us would protest being forced to take a few days off to relax and get caught up on those chores around the house? The NBA is just as bad although every now and then someone actually lands a punch. It is a league full of macho guys who see every push and shove under the basket as a personal affront to their manhood. At first, they push back and things escalate. Finally, tempers flare and we see two players wailing at each other, mostly punching at air. Referees jump in to break things up and the players are immediately ejected. Fines and suspensions will come later. The fines are hardly noticed by the millionaire players who will gladly pay to protect their manhood, especially when they can do so without landing or taking a real punch. But it looked good and the crowd enjoyed it. The ejected player is replaced with another millionaire and the game goes on. Hockey is different. None of this nonsense about “there being no place for violence in our sport.” Hockey embraces the violence and even makes it part of the game. Oh sure, there are fines and suspensions but hockey has a “penalty box.” A player who is guilty of being too rough is banished to the penalty box for a period of time. It’s sort of like a sports version of timeout where they have to sit and watch their friends play. “You’ve been a naughty boy and you can’t play with your friends for five minutes. That’ll teach you.” The beauty of it is that another player doesn’t race out on skates with stick in hand to take the place of our villain. His team must play short-handed and ban together to overcome the indiscretions of their teammate. The power play is as much a part of hockey strategy as the hit and run in baseball or the pick and roll in basketball. It makes for some interesting situations. I got to thinking. Does hockey have it right? If so, is it time for baseball and basketball to follow suit? Now, hear me out. It may sound crazy but I think baseball and basketball should each adopt the concept of a penalty box. Think about it! That prima donna batter charges the mound and the umpire assesses a two-inning penalty. For the next two innings, his team must play with only eight players. Look what it would do for strategy and how much more important the role of the manager would be. Does he play with only two outfielders or does he play with only one infielder on the left side? And imagine the strategic moves that the opposing manager could make to take advantage of the short-handed defense. It would put some excitement back into a game that many consider too boring by today’s standards. The same would be true for basketball. Shaq gets a little too rough and BAM! he goes to the penalty box for five minutes. While he watches from the sideline, his teammates play five on four. Here again, the coach would have to earn his money. Phil Jackson may actually have to coach rather than sit there on the bench with his arms and legs crossed smugly taking credit for a dynasty that he didn’t build. Major league baseball and NBA brass are always trying to think up ways to spice up their games. Baseball gave us the designated hitter (Yawn!) and let’s see, basketball gave us the shot clock (Wow!). My idea would encourage a little showmanship and make it more fun. “This guy has totally lost his mind,” you must be thinking. Well, maybe you’re right. By the way, does anyone out there have Bud Selig’s telephone number?