Left behind

There might be nothing more stressful than knowing that a loved one is in danger. Having relatives overseas in the current conflict in the Middle East may be among the biggest challenges faced by families in Sevier County. Two local women were kind enough to share their experiences with the readers of The Herald, and how they handle the stress of coping. “His name is Matthew McClellan,” says Marialyce Ayles of Sevierville, who is coping with fear and lack of information about her grandson. She adds, “We call him Matt, he likes that better. Tomorrow he will be 20 years old.” Ayles and the rest of McClellan’s family believe that PFC Matthew McClellan, serving with the 1st Armored division, is currently stationed in Baghdad. Ayles told The Herald, “We just more or less surmised it. At one time we didn’t know whether he was in Iraq or Afghanistan. It was right at the start of the war. We think he’s in Baghdad because he said something in a letter about shopping at a certain place. But he never came out and said, ‘I am in Baghdad.’ They’re not supposed to tell us.” Ayles, who has also been dealing with her second round of cancer and chemotherapy treatments, says every time she gets hit with news of another death from a news broadcast, she just starts praying. “You watch the news because it makes you feel like at least you have some idea of what’s going on,” she says. “But every time that I hear that a soldier has been killed, my whole insides freeze. Fear. It gives you a horrible feeling. You just freeze.” She continues, “I talk to my son and ask him, ‘Have you heard anything?’ He says, ‘No, they will let us know if anything happens.’ But knowing that doesn’t help any.” She leans heavily on her religion to find peace of mind. “I finally came to the conclusion that all I can do is just put him in God’s hands. That’s the only way you can exist with the thoughts,” shares Ayles. “But it doesn’t mean you don’t freeze every time you hear that a soldier has been killed.” Being involved with the women’s group at her church, as well as visiting and talking to other family members, also helps her cope. “My cousin has a son-in-law that was in Afghanistan. So we kind of commiserate if you know what I mean,” she confides. Although she can’t escape the stress, Ayles believes that trusting in God, maintaining a good support network and channeling her energy into creative activities helps her to manage the stress in a positive way. “This way I don’t have to take tranquilizers,” she states. Ayles says she doesn’t believe that her grandson will be coming home too soon. “At seventy you understand. You’ve seen all these other wars, and you realize that you can’t tear up a country and not try to put it back to where these people can live. I think the majority of soldiers who went over there, went over there knowing that wouldn’t be coming back right away.” Ayles is hoping to mark McClellan’s homecoming with a special event when he returns. “The last time I wrote to him, I told him we’d go to Dollywood,” she laughs, adding, “I don’t have any idea when he’ll be coming home. Nobody in the family does.” Unlike Ayles, Frankie Martin doesn’t spend much time viewing the TV news broadcasts of the continuing conflict in Iraq. “I try not to listen too much to the news on TV, says Martin, “Because I don’t even think the news media ought to be over there in all of this. I see things being blown up and people hurt and it really doesn’t help my feelings any. I’d rather not know than see all these things happening over there.” Martin’s 19-year-old grandson, Airman 1st Class Gregory Martin, Jr., was in Iraq. She tells The Herald, “He has gone back to Guam now, but he was in Iraq. He couldn’t answer any questions. He couldn’t tell us anything about what went on. It was all confidential, top secret.” Martin fights back tears as she relates what it was like to know he was in a war zone and be unable to get information. “It was frightening, but he is a born again Christian, he’s an Adventist…I’m having a little difficulty with this,” she says, her voice becoming tearful. Regaining her composure, she continues, “It didn’t seem to bother him when he got back and was able to call us, he just couldn’t talk about it. He prayed a lot.” A small sob escapes as she says, “We all prayed a lot.” According to Martin, she also gathered strength from close ties with her family and sharing news of her grandson’s phone calls with them. “We just kind of talk with one another when we’ve heard from him. And that helps.” Martin, like Ayles, found that activities already a part of her everyday life provided some relief from the stress. She says, “I have two dogs, and we go to the park. I do a variety of things and it helps.” Martin is expecting that both her grandson’s family and church will be celebrating when he returns for a visit. “He was supposed to have been able to come home for two weeks, but they cancelled that because they had started having some more problems over in Iraq. We don’t really know when he’s going to be able to come home.”