Advice Column: Dear Rose…

Dear Rose,
My mother-in-law passed away last year and my father-in-law started dating three months after the funeral. How soon should someone date after their spouse has passed away. There has been a little rift in our family with this other lady, and it is making my husband and I feel so bad. We love dad, but don’t know what to do.
Distressed D-I-L

Dear Distressed,
Experts approach the problem from two angles. The first way to look at it is that your father-in-law may have begun grieving from the day he learned that his wife had a terminal illness. That means that he had months to process his emotions and was totally ready to date three months after his wife passed away.
The second way to look at it is that some people just can’t handle being alone after being married for years. Even adult children sometimes don’t understand what it is like to lose the person you have lived with and loved for many years. They have their own lives to live and cannot replace the departed loved one. The widowed person may jump into a relationship a little too soon in some cases. Actually, the man is an adult there is nothing that you can do about his choice. You and your husband can do something about the rift in the relationship with your father-in-law. He is your husband’s father. He needs your love and support right now. Forget anything in the past and do all that you can to mend fences. Life is short, and time lost with family grudges can never be replaced. Take action today to show your love. It may take time, but will be worth it. Your kids need their grandfather. Jim McPherson, a Berry Funeral Home Director, has a brochure on dating and remarriage available for the asking. McPherson leads a grief support group and is a facilitator for a social grief support group that is one of the largest in the state.

Dear Rose,
My teenagers listen to horrible music. I hate it. Someone said that if you make a big deal out of it, they will want it more. What shall I do?
Miffed mom

Dear Miffed,
First, determine if the music your kids are listening to is violent or obscene. If it is, you are justified in your concern. If it is not, it may be just a preference. It is always good to get kids involved in wholesome activities. Music lessons, church youth groups, sports, there are many selections for young people in Sevier County. If the music is just a preference issue, maybe you can agree to listen to it in segments. I know someone who used to listen to the teenage music for exactly half of the time in the car, but then the kids had to listen to the parent’s classical music for the other time. The parent said that it was good for both of them. It is an idea to start with. A wise parent chooses her battles carefully.