“He’s a big boy and Shoney’s is not even around,” is my favorite thoughts on being fat. I feel since America is in an obesity epidemic, I’m fitting right in. If size matters, I’m one of the most important things to ever come along.
Lifestyles and habits are choices which become a matter of content. Such choices prove to estimate the circumference around each of our equators. With gravitational pull to be a consideration, I found spinning less allows for less of a bulge.
I was getting in the bed the other night with Ms. Sue P. as she states, “Gosh Babe, you sure are getting big.” As I rolled over to give her a kiss good night, I noticed some sauce on her chin from the pizza she was eating in the bed while watching her favorite delusional show “Sex in the City.”
I was bartending last weekend when one of my regulars mentioned I looked as though I had lost some weight. I replied my secret was easy, just buy bigger clothes. I figure doing so is giving me the better deal since I’m getting more fabric for the same price. What’s next, suspenders?
As I got ready for work this morning, I looked in the mirror and realized I might need to get a bigger mirror. I wondered if I could find a carnival mirror to make me see a new hourglass figure. But at least I’m thinking healthy since I shaved my head and perfected the pear-shaped body.
I’ve started a new daily workout regime that consists of one sit-up, four toe touches, one push-up, and plenty of yoga exercises. To explain, I sit-up each morning to get out of bed, I lay down each day to go to sleep. My toe touches consist of putting a sock on each foot, and tying my shoes. My push-up consists of defending myself when I push off Ms. Sue P. from me when she’s mad about something. My yoga is regular stretching and yawning throughout the day.
I choose to drink full body beverages, eat the whole frozen pizza, and eat a bowl of candy before caving in the milk jug and proceeding to finish my daily sit up. I’ve simulated a sauna by sleeping in my clothes and using five comforters to hold the heat in. I’ve increased my walking by continually forgetting to get things out of my car. I get plenty of rest sleeping longer than my alarm clock can snooze. I’ve concluded I’ve got this “healthy thing” down and I should patent it.
It just like losing weight, you have to cinch in your belt one more notch to keep your pants up. Similarly, as you gain weight you have to cinch in your belt one more notch to keep you belly from forcing you pants down. The health notions continue as I try to find more creative ways to compare the advantages of losing and gaining weight.
Doctors keep patients in turmoil everyday by prescribing diets that basically state anything that tastes good is not good for you. I’ve seemed to disagree since chocolate contains chemicals which psychologically convince the brain you are happy. Sounds like eating a bunch of chocolate and licking it off your fingers would make for a happier society. I eat my vegetables daily. Which is why I need to buy the largest tub of butter; thus saving me money by buying in quantity. I eat plenty of fruit and extra sugar which increases my vegetable intake of sugar cane. It all seems relative since we are all just one “big” happy family.

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