Advice Column: Dear Rose

Dear Rose,
I have a not-so-nice mother-in-law. She talks nice to everyone, but when she gets me alone, look out. She is the most deceptive, jealous person that I have ever met. She comes over and criticizes my house, when I have two little kids running around all day. She acts like I am a terrible mother. She takes my little kids aside and tells them how bad that I am. My husband does nothing. One time, two years ago, she talked to my husband’s aunt about me. The aunt came over and said that she did not think the house was that bad. My husband went to his mother and put his foot down. He told her that unless she treated his wife better that he would cut off their relationship. All hell broke loose. She acted as if I was a troublemaker when she was the one who gossiped secretly to everyone. She just does not like her wickedness to be exposed. Since that time, my husband, who does not like conflict, lets her get away with almost anything. After my last baby, I put on weight. In front of my kids and husband she said that it was no wonder I was so fat and that I did not do much around the house. No one defended me. What can I do other than leave the man?
Desperate housewife

Dear Desperate,
You are between a rock and a hard spot. You cannot make your husband stand up for you, but you can go to a counselor and learn how to cope with it. It may mean separation for a while until you can deal with things. The main thing is to get help for you, until you do, you cannot help the rest of your family.

Dear Rose,
My wife is overweight. She needs to lose about forty pounds. I love her, but when I see those rolls, it really turns me off. She wonders why I am not romantic any more, but I cannot help it. What can I do?
Disgusted husband

Dear Disgusted,
Honesty is always good. You are searching for a way to deal with this issue rather than ignoring it or being hurtful. For this, you are to be commended. One way that I think may work is to suggest that you do exercise together. Walk, go to the gym, ride bikes, whatever it takes to get her motivated and moving. Make it fun. Tell her that you don’t want the old greasy cooking any more or desserts either for that matter. Fruit and healthy entrees and the way you want to go. Praise her and show her attention when she follows your lead. By approaching the problem from this angle, you will be making the bond between you stronger and help your whole family as well. It takes a big man to do this. Let me know how it goes.